Welcome to a Day-in-the-Life where we get an inside look at how individual military spouses fill a typical day and keep their wits about them by hunting the good stuff.
*****
I’m Kellie (with an “I-E”) and I just turned 35. I accidentally fell in love with a boy that planned on joining the military, and when I realized he was serious it was too late! We’ve been together 17 years, and married for 11. He’s been in the Army for 13 years, and we’re currently stationed at Fort Bragg.
The one thing I positively can’t live without is probably my iPhone. I hate being so tied to it, but I couldn’t function/work/do life with out it. There’s an app for everything, and I guarantee I can tell you a hack/workaround for any sticky situation using your iPhone.
6:00 am
Even looking at “6:00 am” here in type gives me anxiety. I am not, nor have I ever been a morning person. By this time, my husband is up making coffee and rousing our 11-year-old German Shepherd for his walk. I snooze through all of this.
My alarm sounds at 6:45 am, but I am a chronic snoozer. The kids wake to their own alarms around 7 am, and sounds of breakfast and backpacks are what I eventually rise to.
After over a decade of marriage, we’ve finally realized that we need to embrace each other’s strong suits and split household duties based on what we’re best at. He does mornings (really well) and I do afternoons/evenings. We’re also taking full advantage of this assignment as it affords him the luxury of actually being present for the little things — like taking the kids to school and packing lunches. Next year could be different, and that’s okay. This year, this is what works.
8:00 am
By now, my house is quiet. The kids are at school and my husband is at work. I can either go to the gym or get cranking on my day. Coffee comes before decisions, so I pour the brew left in the Chemex (I know, I’m so spoiled, but he always leaves me coffee).
I aim for three or so workouts a week with a group of ladies at a CrossFit style “box.” Lately, my attendance has been shamefully low, but I do try. Otherwise, I’m parking myself in my chair by the radiators in my living room with my computer to start my day “in the office.” I work remotely and have for years.
I learned a while back that technology is going to be my best friend when looking for, or sustaining employment as a nomadic military spouse. I’ve tried to embrace the challenges, confront them in a different way, and provide alternative solutions, especially during a job search. A lot of times, employers will see you – milspouse – as a liability. You have to flip that script and emphasize all of your inherent qualities associated with your situation.
I can talk all day about how to proudly identify as a military spouse with employers and present yourself as an asset (and have in several other forums). At the end of the day, if there’s a job/project/dream that you feel is worth chasing – go for it! There’s always a workaround.
10:00 am
This is my “golden hour.” My brain is finally awake (likely due to the two to three cups of coffee I’ve had by now), email responses are starting to come in, and meetings and calls are starting to happen.
Depending on what I’m working on, I’ll either be working at home in my quiet office or at the local coffee shop. I know that sometimes I need to focus, and sometimes I need stimulation and networking.
12:00 pm
Noon is another time on the clock that for some reason causes my blood pressure to rise. This probably sounds weird, and I can honestly say this is the first time I’m making this connection, but I don’t like the implication of a being told when to do things. We’re *supposed* to eat lunch at noon. One is *supposed* to be hungry at noon, therefore the social norm is to break for lunch at this time.
I am rarely hungry at noon and only have until 2:00 pm to reap the benefits of my children being occupied and out of the house. Breaking for lunch is sometimes super disruptive of my “flow” and I only honor it if I’m meeting friends. Hear me clearly – I am NOT endorsing this practice as I am fully aware of how unhealthy this habit is (trust me, it’s one more thing I feel guilty about, lol!). A desk snack will do.
2:00 pm
At 2:00 pm, my role shifts from employee to mom. I scurry across town to pick up children, get home to do homework, snacks (and yes, this is when I eat lunch), and if the weather is nice we convene at the park down the road. My two littles regale me with the “drama” of the day (of the second grade and Kindergarten vairety, so nothing too saucy).
We read, practice sight words, and make weekend plans. I try to work some chores into this window of time. Laundry, tidying up, and an errand will usually fall into this time frame. The kids loathe a trip to the grocery store after school, but sometimes that’s the breaks.
4:00 pm
I love that my littles still play together nicely and usually this is their time to do so. I know this is likely a short-lived phenomenon, but I’ll take it while I can. My daughter is two years older than my son and they have the perfect temperments to really enjoy each other’s company.
The one thing we do that will potentially induce the mommy eye-roll is our ‘no screens during on a school night’ rule. The jury is still out on whether I’ve created binge-crazy monsters by enacting this rule, but it keeps me sane at least. The television remains quiet until after the kids are in bed and I love it. It forces them to explore their world.
We are blessed to have an abundance of toys and books, a huge yard with a playground and a park right across the street. There is nothing that a cartoon can offer my kids that their imagination can’t. Depending on the season, this is also the soccer hour. Lord help me with the chaos that sports already injects into my life, but they love it.
6:00 pm
I used to hate cooking dinner. Why must these people need to eat, every day? I only get excited about a meal if someone else prepares it for me, but then I went and got married and had kids, so I suppose I had to figure it out. As a trade-off for taking care of the mornings, I do the evenings.
My kids actually say “Daddy makes the morning happen, and Mommy does the day.” I love a good podcast and actually heard a great episode on Freakanomics once that explains a practice of mine that I didn’t even know had scientific significance.
I have conditioned myself to look forward to cooking dinner by adding incentives (a glass of wine and a podcast on the speaker). This is actually called “temptation bundling” by behavioral psychologists. Basically, you take something you do not inherently look forward to (maybe working out) and pair it with an incentive – and only allow yourself that perk if you bundle it with an obligation.
Everyone knows to stay out of the kitchen so I can focus, and I “veg out” to a great podcast while I make dinner. After dinner, my husband and I divide and conquer – someone does dishes/clean up while the other does baths/stories/bedtime. Kids are in bed by 8:00 pm!
8:00 pm
This is usually our time to “Netflix + Chill.” We don’t have cable, so any thing we watch is intentionally chosen (which I love). If I have work to finish up, I’ll do so and he’ll watch something plot-less like “American Pickers” or “Forged in Fire” (insert eyeroll).
I actually really like to stack up email responses at night and use a scheduler to send them out first thing in the morning. I also try and prioritize my tasks for the next day so I can start the day with a clear picture of what I need to get done and in what order. It helps me sleep if I can “download” all of that mental energy and calm my mind.
10:00 pm
By 10:00 pm my husband is most certainly in bed, snoring away. I, on the other hand, am usually wide awake. I’ll watch a show he’s not into (“This is Us” is a current obsession), read, or write something. Around 11:00 pm my son will, like clockwork, sleepwalk down the hall to try and find the bathroom. I give him a dozen steps or so before I can tell if he’ll find his way or not, then have to run upstairs to guide him to the toilet.
Once a month or so, I’ll pull a night past midnight. Sometimes it’s hard to “turn off” my brain, so I’ll turn to one of my trusty meditation apps. Eventually, I’ll make my way to bed and burrow under the mutliple comforters (I love a cold room and tons of blankets). The last sounds around me are those of my husband breathing, the dog rustling, and the 100-year-old radiators sporadically popping. Must add bleed the radiators to the to-do list…
Want to share about a typical day in your shoes? Submit your Day-in-the-Life here.
Dependent Diaries 